Never Existed
by SunnyDropped
Summary: Twilight fanfic in Edward's POV. It takes place right after he leaves Bella in New Moon. You get to see how he copes with leaving her and what it does to him. Rated T for language and other mature references in later chapters. Read and review, please!
1. Never Existed

_A/N: So here's my first shot at a Twilight fanfic. I hope it's good. (: I want to thank my darling Pixar for being my beta. She helped me with tiny details and facts that I would have gotten wrong on my own. Love ya, sista! Anyway, read and review, please and thank youuuu._

**Disclaimer:** **Edward doesn't belong to me, no matter how hard I wish he did.**

Never Existed

For the first time in over a hundred years, I felt sick. Not the kind of sick I feel when I get near a werewolf or when I hear someone's that-was-way-too-much-information thoughts, but _human_ sick. My head was pounding—my thoughts buzzing around and not completely finishing. My hands felt clammier than usual, if that was at all possible. My unnecessary stomach churned in revolution at what I had just done.

I couldn't get the picture of the look on her face out of my mind. I could still smell her scent; feel the warmth of her body close to mine, her soft lips, and the sound of her precious heart beating faster with every word I spoke.

_It'll be as if I never existed… Goodbye, Bella…_

I zoomed back to my car as fast as I could. I drove faster than ever. I avoided all major roads to get away from any human contact. The last thing I needed was to break down and loose in front of a bunch of French fries.

I pulled into our empty driveway. Everyone had left for Denali, but I wasn't going with them. I had tried the coven once and I hated every moment of it. No, I was going to spend the next few months of my eternal life alone. Alone in my jail cell of bitterness, resentment, frustration, and overall sadness.

I got out of my car and began making my way towards the clearing that she (it hurt to think her name) and I had proclaimed our first date. I closed my eyes and walked at a "normal" pace, remembering the sounds and smells of that day. I replayed conversations in my head that we had once shared; never will I forget the way her carefully chosen words rolled off her tongue.

The sudden break in the trees brought me out of my little world. The clearing looked the same as it did that day, only the grass was wet from the afternoon's shower. Not caring about stains or the uncomfortable wetness, I laid down on the soft bed of green. I stretched out my limbs and closed my eyes again. I started to breathe; unnecessary or not, the shallow in and out calmed me down, and I entered my meditation zone.

Thirty minutes passed… And then it hit me.

She was gone. I was gone. We were done; over. Forever.

And it was my fault.

I started shaking. I curled up into a little ball, wrapping my arms around my knees. I buried my head in my lap, and let the grief consume me.

_Was it bad? I hope not. I'm thinking that if you like my depressed style, I might continue and write one more chapter that revolves around him going to the Volturi when he finds out Bella's "dead." Sound like a plan? Cool. (:_


	2. Forever

_**A/N:** I really liked my first chapter (and so did a few other people), so I'm continuing. I like my plot line, because there's so much to work with. Because the series in Edward's point of view isn't out yet, I can create how he feels and what's going on. This chapter is going to be one of maybe a few song-chapters, depending on how long I make the story as a whole. I want to thank my friend Skippaaa for suggesting the song Forever by Papa Roach. And again, thank you to my amazing beta, for giving me good feedback. I love you two bunches!_

**Disclaimer: I don't own Edward, sadly. His thoughts and actions, however, are all my own. I also don't own this song.**

Lyrics are in _italics _and the story is regular.

Forever

_In the brightest hour of my darkest day_

_I realized what is wrong with me_

_Can't get over you. Can't get through to you._

Despite having told Bella that I would be able to move on quickly and that she should do the same, I found it terribly hard to stop thinking about her. I spent at least two weeks in the clearing, either lying still, sobbing, or running around in circles. I let myself go thirsty. I wouldn't allow myself to hunt, fearing that my misery would cause pain to more than just the animal I was feeding on. She was always there, in my head. Her eyes, her smile. It was only when the day came that I was gazing absentmindedly at my reflection in a pool of water, my eyes at their blackest, that I had an epiphany.

If I was going to move on, I had to do it now.

_It's been a helter-skelter romance from the start_

_Take these memories that are haunting me_

_Of a paper man cut into shreds by his own pair of scissors_

_He'll never forgive her…he'll never forgive her…_

I gathered a suitcase full of clothes and packed them in my Volvo. I drove hundreds and thousands of miles as fast as could to get away from Forks. That small, rainy town was the home of my greatest and happiest memories, and it was also my hell on Earth. From the first day I met Bella, I knew that things were not going to be easy. I did my best to avoid her, but that plan failed. Slowly, we became closer, and I knew that there was no turning back. Our relationship was rocky—between Victoria and James and making sure the secret of the vampires was still a secret—we were still a rock wall.

But I had to go and ruin it. I decided to leave her behind, because I wanted to protect her from the dangers of my kind. But in doing this, I realized, I was hurting myself. I was too attached to her; my goodbye was tearing me apart because of what her love had done to me. I'll never forgive that angel for making me feel this way. For making me realize what a selfish creature I am.

_Because days come and go but my feelings for you are forever_

_Because days come and go but my feelings for you are forever_

So I was escaping. I was running away from the pain like a little boy, afraid of a bully at school or a cat afraid of a dog. After driving for a few days, I reached a small, low class town in Michigan. I don't even know the name. But it was dull and rainy: the perfect spot to forget her.

_Sitting by a fire on a lonely night_

_Hanging over from another good time_

_With another girl… little dirty girl_

I was staying at one of those old-fashioned inns where really it was a bar that just happened to have housing for "guests" that were too hung over to return home. The moment I walked in, I was greeted by the jumbled up thoughts of drunken people, and the fumes of their intoxicating drinks. As I walked in, shaking my wet hair, all eyes and thoughts were on me.

I made my way over to the bar, where an ordinary woman with too much makeup, too much cleavage, and too short shorts greeted me with a quick heartbeat when I asked for a room. She escorted me there, and softly shut the door. I could hear her thoughts clearly and loudly, "Holy shit, he's gorgeous."

I unpacked my suitcase and then headed back downstairs to the club. I was still on everyone's minds, but the partying had resumed. I sat down on a stool next to a young woman who wouldn't stop staring at me. I ordered a shot of the strongest whiskey available. Of course, I wasn't going to drink it. But the fumes erupting from it were as strong and as potent to me as they were to any human's liver.

Slowly, I began to feel looser. A conversation was started between the girl and me, and soon, from just one shot, I was as drunk as she was. We laughed and talked and she grabbed my hand and pulled me onto the dance floor. Our bodies were painfully close as we danced to the music. I was totally lost to the world and my pain—only focusing on the girl I was with. The next thing I knew, she was on top of me in a really small chair. Hands traveled, as did lips. The small conscience part of me kept me from biting her, even if I had the strength. Alcohol makes even the strongest of vampires vulnerable.

"So what's your name?" she whispered breathily into my ear.

"Edward Cullen," I replied, kissing her neck. "Yours?"

"Bella Mitchell."

I froze.

_You should listen to this story of a life_

_You're my heroine in this moment I'm lonely fulfilling my darkest dreams_

_All these drugs, all these women_

_I'm never forgiven… this broken heart of mine_

And this was how it was, everywhere I went. No matter how many women were surrounding me, no matter how drunk I was, _she_ kept appearing. Whether it was just her name, or eyes that looked like hers, or even the back of a random head, she was following me. Her memory was chasing me; haunting me for what I had done to her. What I had done to myself.

_Because days come and go but my feelings for you are forever_

_Because days come and go but my feelings for you are forever_

So I stopped running. I gave up trying to lose the memory of her by using other people. I knew that it would take years to get over her. And even then, she would always be with me. I decided that even if I couldn't be with her, I would continue to do all that I could to protect my love. I called Alice up as I was returning to Forks, and asked her to meet me in our old house. I drove by a familiar driveway, and stared pointedly ahead.

_One last kiss_

_Before I go_

_Dry your tears_

_It is time to let you go_

_**A/N:** So how was it? I hope it didn't suck. My beta told me it didn't. Just as a personal disclaimer, so no one hates me, I really did have a lot of room to work with on this chapter. I've realized that Edward probably didn't go hook up with some random chick he met at a bar, but hey. It's possible. Pixar pointed out that since we don't know as much about Edward as we do Bella, predicting his actions while he's in emotional pain is pretty hard. I'll start writing chapter three (which will focus around his meeting with Alice) a little later, but for the next week or so I'm going to be a bit busy getting Pass-The-Fic posted, but I'll be thinking of an idea. Feel free to message me or post a review with a suggestion, and I'll take it to consideration. Thanks for reading!_


	3. Cliff Hanger

_Hey. So I've realized that I haven't updated this in like. Two months. Sorry about that. But I'm here now! Woohoo. I've decided to skip everything that might have happened, and move on to when Edward thinks Bella's died. Kay? If I feel like it, I'll go back._

Cliff Hanger

**Rosalie's POV.**

Alice and I were sitting on the floor of her hotel room in Juneau, painting our toenails. The boys were hunting, and Esme and Carlisle were still with Tanya and company.

"Hmmm…" Alice muttered. I looked up at her, screwing the lid back on the cherry red polish I'd been using.

"What?"

"I was just wondering which color would match better with the underwear I bought myself for Jasper's birthday," she said, fingering through all the little bottles we had, spread around us.

"Hmmm…" I repeated. "What color are they?"

"Emerald green. That's his favorite color." Alice grinned.

I laughed and shook my head. Of course, I had no room to talk. I'd done the exact same thing for Emmett's "party". Only the ones _I _bought were canary yellow with little black polka-dots.

I picked up a bottle. "Here. Silver."

"Mmm…sexy," Alice cackled. I laughed at her again; she seemed pretty excited. Which I didn't understand, because they do…_that_ every night. But maybe since its Jasper's birthday (I've lost count how old he is), thing's will be, err, different.

We continued painting in silence, and I tried to think of something different than my sister's sex life. Ooh! I know! I saw the cutest dress at Charlotte Rousse yesterday! It was this black summer dress, with white and purple flowers on it. Like, some of the flowers were white, and some were purple. It was V-cut, too, so it showed some cleavage, but not a whole lot. And the straps were thin. It was really flowy. I think I'll go buy it. And I'm pretty sure I have some purple high-top Chuck Taylor's I could wear with it. Or my white ones. Or! I could just buy new strappy sandals…

"Oh!"

Alice's sharp comment brought me out of my thoughts. I looked at her again, and recognized the distant look on her face—she was having a vision. I waited patiently for a moment, for it to end. Her brow furrowed in concentration, then frustration…and then her caramel eyes widened in shock.

Uh oh. "Alice? Alice. What's wrong?"

She violently swatted for my hand, and gripped it tightly, as she replayed her vision. Closing her eyes, she shook her head, and then looked at me with TERROR—yes, _capital _letters—written across her face.

"What is it?" I whispered, almost afraid of what she would say.

"It's Bella, Rose," she replied; her voice was so quiet that even my super-sensitive-vampire ears had to strain to hear her.

"Wha—what?"

"I saw… I saw her throwing herself off a cliff, Rose. Into the ocean. She fell, and was down for a while…and then…" Alice's shoulders started to shake.

Now, I'd never been close friends like Alice was to Bella. In fact, we weren't friends at all. I was so jealous of her, that I could hardly stand to look at her. But this news hit me hard, despite my feelings towards her. My family loved her dearly, and if anything happened to her, even when we were no longer in contact with her…

"And then what, Alice?" My voice shook.

"Everything disappeared."

I gasped. Oh no…

"Does…does that mean…"

Alice's shoulders shook more violently, and she began to dry-sob. "I—I don't k-know!"

I pulled her into my lap, and rocked her as she vamp-cried. Vampires can't actually _cry_, like with tears. We dry sob. So we make the same noises, it's just not wet and you don't mess up your makeup.

"Shh…Alice shh… It's okay, it's okay. It's okay," I whispered into her ear.

When she had calmed down a bit minutes later, she said sighed. "Rose. What—_how_ am I going to tell the others…tell Edward?"

I bit my lip.

_Did it suck? My amazing beta said it didn't. Review review review! It's not that hard._


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